'Merica

As I’ve been scrolling past and occasionally reading-ish the endless (that's an understatement) arguments on social media, for and against more strict requirements for gun owners, I can’t help but compare it to parenting and adoption. Because that’s what I think about all the time. And airing my opinions is therapeutic.

Our home just passed the “Life Safety Inspection” required by the state of Arizona for anyone seeking a foster care license. Albeit significant, this is just one of the zillion steps required to get this license. Three and a half years ago, we jumped through the zillion hoops required for private infant adoption. That is a DIFFERENT set of paperwork, interviews and inspections than what we’re doing, now. Catching my drift, here??

If you've ever read a single blog post on this page, you already know we’ve never been able to conceive, but we knew parenthood was part of our adventure as a married couple, so we pursued it. Desperately. After getting drugged and poked and prodded in the worst ways for a few years (those blog posts have been "unpublished" on this page), we submitted ourselves to a new path of torture called “adoption certification.” We went broke (again) and did everything else we were told we had to do to even get our names on a waiting list, with zero guarantee that little fingerprints would ever smear our windows... miracle of miracles: we got lucky, lucky, lucky. #OLIVIACATHERINEFANTASTIC

I'm approaching what probably seems like a weird (dodgy? borderline inappropriate??) comparison, but it makes some sense in my convoluted mind, so I’ll just lay it out, here: What if every single couple had to do what we had to do (and many of you have already done), just to become parents?? Background checks, uncomfortably invasive, personal interviews, written essays that get inside your head and make you question your childhood, parents and spouse, every cabinet and drawer of your home open to inspection, fences measured, locks jiggled, friends and family required to write letters vouching for the parenting skills they have no clue you have because you’ve never been parents, physician letters declaring your sanity and likelihood that you don’t have any diseases that will kill you any time soon, proof of animal vaccinations.... goodness, the list goes on. 

Oh yeah, and please do it again every 18 months. Every 12 months. And we’ll drop by randomly to look in your cabinets and make sure you didn’t forget a pair of your potty-training child’s soiled undies on the floor. Or a tube of Neosporin in your unlocked medicine cabinet. And heaven forbid, your first aid kit doesn’t include an ace bandage, latex-free gloves and paper tape. Hold the phone- that box of bandaids only has one size? What kind of monster are you?! 

A colleague of mine who has five biological children has marveled more than once at what we’ve done to become Mom and Dad. But our story, my friends, is Bambi and butterflies compared to what other couples have endured, all for the distinct pleasure of groggy night feedings, puddles of pee on the floor at Jo-Ann Fabrics, thousands of dollars shelled out for childcare, not to mention the moment by moment weight of the world on your shoulders, knowing that every word you say or don't say, place you go or don't go, friends you make or don't make, are shaping a HUMAN BEING- wait, why on earth would anyone do this voluntarily? Much more, bend over backwards, even empty their bank accounts, just begging for it?!

Arrogance? "We're such awesome, self-sacrificing humans, we feel it's our civic/global/religious/moral/blah-blah-blah-garbage responsibility to make sure we raise more awesome, self-sacrificing humans just like ourselves. P.S. Please make sure it's a sparkly-fresh newborn that hasn't been contaminated with subpar experiences or indoctrinated with another human's lesser ideologies." Okay, part of me regrets even writing that, but another part of me thinks it should be left right where it is. Because it's offensive. Shocking. Painful. And true, to a degree. For some adoptive parents, more true than others. 

From the perspective of an adoptive parent, as an adoptive parent who knows other adoptive parents, we honestly can't put a finger on exactly why we've trudged through years of physical, psychological, even spiritual agony, just to become parents. But, why did my sister ditch her birth control on purpose 2 years after they were married (calm down, Catholic friends)? Because she and her husband wanted to become parents. So did we. Our hearts and arms ached for a child, and God blessed us. Granted, He took us down 2 very different paths to make it happen, but that's not really the point. What IS the point? I'm not God, but I can confidently say that He was super nice to both of us and granted us the desires of our hearts: Winnie and Olivia. 

Okay, so, back to gun control. Population control, actually. (Fair warning: stream-of-consciousness logic in progress.) America's broken. People have guns who shouldn't have them. People have children who shouldn't have them. The right to bear arms is part of the Constitution of the United States. The right to bear children is, well, a God-given right to all humans from the beginning of time. But the people who shouldn't have guns are killing the people who had the right to be born. However, to open the unavoidable can of disgusting worms, people who have the right to be born are also being killed by the people who have the right to bear children. 

Let's just call it all of the above what it is: an egregious abuse of our rights. 

And it's everybody's fault. 

People often put "Constitutional" and "God-given" in the same sentence. I'm not sure that's accurate. Scratch that- it's flat-out not accurate. Just because a handful of the folks who wrote the Constitution were supposedly "Christian," does not mean that every word of it has God's stamp of approval. For goodness' sake, people- what atrocities are committed in the name of Christ? Let's be level-headed adults, here, and face reality. Jesus is not on anyone's team. Jesus is the team. Father, Son, Holy Spirit- that's the team. Not the NRA, not the Supreme Court, not the media, not grieving parents or anyone else who has suffered unspeakably, even died. 

I'm gonna back this train up a few paragraphs, now that I've cathartically spewed some thoughts possibly unrelated to the original intention of this blog post. Did I mention America is broken? Good. That supports what I'm going to say next.  

There's a new level of entitlement in this country (just kidding, it's not new.... it's ancient, actually): the right to kill. 

We all have it. At any moment in time, every single person has the right to kill. Free will, baby. That means I can do anything I want to do, at any time. Kill people, kill animals, kill myself. Whatever. And how does one go about regulating free will? That is unquestionably a God-given right, dating back to that lovely paradise between the Tigris and Euphrates. Well, our judicial system has definitely tried to regulate it. 

Killing people is allowed (but only if you kill certain people).

Killing animals is allowed (but only if you kill certain animals).

Killing yourself is allowed (but not if you don't succeed). 

What kind of ambiguous BS is this??! It's ambiguous because innumerable laws have been created by necessity, not principle (principle... now that's a $5 word in this particular setting). That's why I have to be sure to have a zillion locked cabinets for my cleaning supplies, but no one cares if I have a giant butcher block right on top of my kitchen counter, filled with razor-sharp knives. That's why the legislation surrounding the purchase and ownership of weapons is a vapid pile of confusing mumbo jumbo. A terrible thing happened, things got personal, the offended parties annoyed legislators to the point of actually doing something, and- voila! More rules! Can fertile couples take home their newborns without a background check? Absolutely. Requiring that would be an invasion of privacy. What if their home is infested with vermin, and the pool looks like a mosquito breeding ground? That's none of anyone's business. Let's make it more complicated. What if those blissful new parents own 13 guns, no trigger locks, loaded and ready for action... sitting in a drawer, or on top of a dresser? AGAIN, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. How about infertile us? ARE YOU INSANE? Forget ever getting certified for anything, ever again. The right to become parents has been taken away... but only because someone found our freely-accessible guns. 

You see? Privacy and free will go hand in hand, here in the good ol' USA. Do what you want, as long as you keep it private. Oh, dangit, someone found out about those 13 guns in that kitchen drawer because a child grabbed one and fired it into the carpet. You've been reported to DCS. Privacy dissolved. Right to be parents removed. Free will no longer free. Right to bear arms is officially in question and possibly terminated. I could write all night, simply creating one example after another, scenarios too close to home and increasingly disturbing. How many horrifying instances of people simultaneously exercising their free will and right to privacy do we hear about in the news? Why do we care?? Because those individuals exercised their free will and right to privacy AT THE EXPENSE OF SOMEONE ELSE'S. 

Guns in the trunk of my car. The stuff in my car is none of your business. Driving to a public place. I can drive anywhere I please. Carry my guns around. Not a problem. Shoot people. We suddenly have a problem. Why do we have a problem? Because I abused my right to bear arms by taking away someone else's right to be alive. Killing is not the issue. Killing is legal. Forcefully taking away someone else's rights is the issue.

Too black and white? 

Too gray? 

I would like to say a third time: America is broken. Broken beyond repair. Creating more rules won't fix anything. Eliminating rules won't fix anything. Making everyone live in a glass house most definitely won't fix anything, because, above all else, we value our rights. And since that includes the right to kill, murder isn't going anywhere, any time soon. Outrage, however, is here to stay. Pain and suffering and confusion- those will never leave. We can scream out loud and on paper until the end of time, but the only thing that will do is relieve a little pressure for a very short time. 

Sheesh, this is depressing. But I'm a teacher, a Catholic and a broke adoptive parent. My rights are already quite limited and could, in fact, be removed by force at any time. My free will is, however, and will always be, intact because that's a gift from God, just for being human. "Rights," on the other hand, those are determined willy-nilly by the powers that be in whatever country I choose to live. They're added and taken away on a daily basis, and who on earth can keep track? 

I can't.

But I can scream on paper.